God is Alive...

I was sitting in the living room just now. Having gone through some emotional and spiritually challenging situations the past three days. Jake was playing his guitar like he always does. a song here. a half song there. we were having a fun time laughing playing songs. He then switches over and plays this song I have never heard. Its called How He Loves Us i guess. The lyrics were beautiful. But I immediately felt God's presence in the room. I was in a state of worship. God is alive.

afterward I asked Jake about that song. did he write it? is it from Norway? He told me it is from a guy names John Mark McMillan. I told him through tears what that song had done for me just then. He got SO excited and ran into his room and grabbed his computer and looked this video up and told me to listen to it.



God is SO amazing! I couldn't believe the story behind this song. It just reminds me how God is good. and how it may not seem it some days. but God is alive. God is here. God is moving in our lives everyday.

I am filled with such peace. I am filled with joy.

Where did my babies go?....

Christmas '08


October '09


Christmas '08

september '09

Surviving Seattle with $20

So spending 11 hours in Seattle yesterday seemed like a good idea before we left, but by hour 4 we were regretting our decision.
We did make it to South Center where at Old Navy i found these sweaters I am really wanting. the purple, white, yellow, red, and light blue. (yeah i know. too many of the same item..but my heart loves them)

I also went to Anthropologie in Bellevue while visiting my dear Kassie and I had a little over excitement about the Christmas decorations. But i stumbled upon these goodies that I feel Amelia MUST own EACH item. (maybe even the boys clothes...because their so damn cute!)

I found my comforter there as well and tried to creatively think of a way to come up with $200+ immediately (yeah, i never came up with any ideas)

yeah, i went to Seattle with $20 and ended up using it to buy dinner for us all. how depressing a shopping experience it was.

he's home.

im happier than i have been in the past two plus months.

i'll be the first to admit life isnt the same without the golden pony

Let it begin

Now i know its ONLY November 2. But I can't help the fact the Christmas music is all i am listening to and I have already begun my plans for decorating the house. I can't help it. It is my favorite time of year and I am so excited I am rushing it a bit. The day i walk into a store and Christmas music is playing..I will be grinning SO BIG!

So thank the Lord. Buster's surgery went without a hitch. They were able to remove the mass tumor in his colon and we able to do so from the front incision. I am so thankful. Thank you God for watching out for him. He is in recovery now. Mom is still there. I guess he is in a LOT of pain though. The medicines they gave him really aren't helping much, so he needs lots of prayer. I am so relieved it went better than the surgeons predicted.

dear buster,

what if i never get to say "i love you" again? i know you know it, but what if i dont get to say it again?? the last time i saw you i gave you a quick hug and made some vague comment about coming to have lunch with you two soon. that was three and a half months ago. since then your world has been turned upside down.

cancer. no matter when you hear it. how you hear it, it always sounds like a death sentence. its that taboo word we all dismiss as "it could never happen to me." it has seemed so surreal to me. I mean i have been so distant to the whole situation. and i am sorry to admitt this has made me really angry.

i think i understand it now. or at least i understand that you did it to protect us. mom suggested i take my card to you before you headed to the hospital. just to drop it off at the house and yet i was too scared to do it. i have known you my whole life. you are my grandpa. my buster brown. my sunnybud. you always make me laugh with your donald duck voice and when you wiggle your ears.

i find myself using your old jokes with the kids. i'll squeeze their knees and watch them giggle as i "adjust" their knees. "too tight this one." "too loose." I love the smell of beer caps. I am instantly transported to the backseat of your van listening to wee sing and shaking our homemade instruments from beer caps and sand paper. or if i fell and scraped my knee, your van had more bandaids in it. sometimes i will see a pink shirt and will say to myself. "its not pink, its salmon" pretending to fly a plane everytime we got in the van. fighting over who got to ride shotgun and be the co-captain and use the CB radio.

I have loved you my whole life and I was terrified to call you. to ask you if i could drop off my card. I was even more afraid to see you. I have this vision in my head of the buster i know. and to see you all frail with your broken nose and bruised face. i was terrified i would break down. I want you to know I can be strong. I am strong. I am your Calidonia. fearless. brave.

Do you know what a great grandpa you are? Do you know how lucky i am to have had you as my grandpa. You have taught me so much in life.

Tomorrow is your surgery. I know you will be fine. I know i am just freaking out the night before because thats what i do. I know that this surgery scares you. it scares grandma. and mom, i know how hard this all is for her. We are all praying for you Buster. You are going to be okay. This is going to get better. I know you have been in agony for three solid months. I hope you have peace soon enough.

I love you Buster. I know you know it.

love,
Calidonia