Let's recap my life as of late:

1. My grandpa has cancer. Stage three. Its bad. He's scared. He's sick. Were the only family they have here and they refuse to let us visit. My grandpa is slowly dying and he won't see me.
2. My only source of income is this nanny job and the boys go back to school end of august. Ergo no job for me.
3. Its only day two of summer with the boys and already they are fighting so much I can't think straight.
4. My best friend just moved to alaska and the other best friend I have left here is mad at me. Or so I've heard.
5. My freaking car has had engine problems for months which has cost me over 2000 in repairs so finally I dropped another 500 to switch the engine. It now dies at various points on ny drive home from work and finally as of last night the engine overheats with just driving to pa from sequim.

I am so depressed right now it hurts. My life is shit and I can't even change it.


FUuuuuuuuuuuuuUck!!!!

Here comes trouble...

this little girl gets to spend the WHOLE weekend with me. It's Lavender Festival here in Sequim and I think were gonna dress up like tourists tomorrow and go travel the fields. this should be so much fun!!

worst morning ever...

I did a whole bunch of crying on my way to work N. But the good news is i've stopped and now I am actually having a pretty nice day. I have Amelia and Henry and its sunny out.


Call me tonight.

love love.

B

well shit.

Friday is practically here.

Even nanny's cry...

I have been Henry's nanny since he was 15 months old. Friday he turned 3. I can't believe how much time has flown by. It seems like just yesterday I showed up at Autumns house and she was handing me this adorable blonde curly haired baby named Henry. I am amazed by him each and every day. He has found a place in my heart and will never leave. Every day he gives me a hug in the morning when I get to their house and tells me he loves me and I am his best friend. We come up with new nicknames for each other weekly and love to laugh at ourselves. He has truly been my source of constant joy. I love having a job that lets me spend all of my day with such a beautiful loving kind and funny little boy.

with all of that being said. Today I took Henry to Jack' school to try out preschool. (he will be attending there next year every day all day long.) I got him dressed this morning. put his favorite sweatshirt on him. Held his hand as we walked into Susan's house. Helped him get his shoes off and took him downstairs where the rest of the kids were waiting. Jack was so sweet taking Henry's hand and showing him all of his favorite toys. As I finished talking to Susan about calling me no matter when if Henry needed me. I turned to give him a hug goodbye and that adorable little boy's eyes filled with tears and it took all I had in me to not pick him up and take him home with me. Instead I held him and told him he was such a big boy and that I was so proud of him and he had Jack with him and no matter what I would be there to pick him up in just a few hours. He nodded and with his little chin quivering he bravely got up and went over with Jack to color. I made it as far as the car before bursting into tears. I know I am just the nanny. I get that it was just a trial day and that he would be back with me in just 3 short hours...but still I couldn't stop myself from feeling so lost. I totally get those mom's who sob the day they take their kids to kindergarden for the first day. It is such a pivital moment in their lives and yours. They just seem so grown up and it seems to have happened WAY too fast.

so now I sit at home alone. Just the dog and I until 11 and I couldn't feel more lost. I have already cleaned the house spotless. folded the laundry and picked out lunch for today. now what?

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY HENRY!

Friday was Henrys birthday and it was so special. We went to Port Townsend with his brothers and Kassie. We had lunch at McDonalds. Went to the toy store. Went to the beach and built forts and ended the day with ice cream. What a day.

Haircut

Harry Potter Bratz

Ginny Weasley

Hermione Granger

Luna Lovegood

I am finding myself loving coloring again. I actually get excited to come to work and color. Good thing Cole loves it too.

What to do at work...

this is what fills my day.

Fishing

so for the past month now my brother has spent most evenings fly fishing. He takes my car everynight. loads up his gear and he and his friend Kyle spend hours at the lake. When he isnt fishing he's busing making flies. I love watching Jake do something he's so passionate about. He is my happiness right now.

Good Girls Go Bad- Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester

I may have a bit of an obsession.

That's Not My Name - the Ting Tings

two songs on constant repeat on my IPod....who knew I was in such a pop mood.