the times they are a-changing

.....i lost my job today.

i mean, not until the 1st. but still. and i guess it wasnt a suprise...there was a 50/50 chance they were going to need me...and yet i still feel slightly shocked.

i mean, my life for the past two years have been these children. I have gotten so used to the family. the house. the kids. this life....it means i can do whatever i want now....

.....what will i do now?

i want to do something of importance. i don't care about the pay. i don't care about if it takes me away from here....i just want to do something that makes me happy. this job has made me happy, but it has been like a vacation. not an enjoyable one where everyday is a breeze...far from it in fact...but it has kept me from moving on in my life. making choices. living. i mean i have lived the life of a single parent for the past two years....when in reality i dont even have kids. im 23. i have my whole life in front of me...

mine for the taking...i just have to take it.

i sat outside for dinner last night. eating at the table on the patio. it was warm out and there was music faintly playing in the background....and i found myself staring at this tree in my neighbors yard. i couldnt take my eyes from it. It captivated me. because in it i saw another life. i imagined myself in a different neighborhood in a different town. in my own home. with a different life. there was nothing significant in the fantasy. no major landmarks, career choices, or people...it was just the hope of a new life.

im not disappointed with my life. i regret nothing i have done or havent done. i wouldnt change anything, any choices i have made, or opportunities i have let pass. it has helped shape me into who i am today. and although the time for change is coming....i don't regret this life. i just look forward to my future. whatever, wherever it is.