Mission: Valentine

Target: 

Simply known as "Jason"

(Target can be positively identified by tattoo on arm reading, "Jason.")

Date of Mission:

February 14, 2009

Valentines Day

Objective:

To create and distribute the CREEPIEST valentine ever. 

Okay, but seriously Valentines Day is just around the corner and I couldn't be more excited! For the past 4 years I have continually been alone on Valentines Day. (ie. single) and although I have been single even longer than this, I came to a realization four years ago, that dreading Valentines Day or choosing to be bitter over the holiday is such a waste. I love this holiday. Just because a girl doesn't have a significant other does not mean she can't enjoy this holiday. I get so frustrated when I hear girls complain about being alone for the holiday. Or rejecting the holiday all together, calling it stupid, commercialized or a degrading holiday for women. A couple of years ago at college the girls in my dorm who were single all got together and celebrated V-day "Rotic Style" now you may be asking what this means, well...it is "Romantic" without the "MAN." I laughed at this. How silly to make such a big deal out of being single for Valentines. 

Coming back to the subject, It was four years ago that I decided to have fun with this holiday. I decided to make the creepiest valentines ever and deliver to an unsuspecting male with a serious face and profess my undying love for them. I am talking about cards with chicken feathers and locks of my hair. Poetry that makes even the most romantic at heart squirm. And I play it up as much as I can. It is the most fun ever! 

This year my newest victim is the above stated Jason. We actually don't know each other that well, which makes this declaration even better. I have found a card with a small silver token that supposedly every time he sees it he is to be reminded of my undying love for him.  

I have also decided to give him not just a lock of my hair, but a whole wad of it. (I am getting my hair cut on Wednesday so in no way am I just hacking at my hair for the sake of a practical joke)

I have even found a picture of him with his current girlfriend. (I guess now would be a good time to mention he does have a girlfriend, who I hope will either not find out about this or will take it in good stride and be able to appreciate my humor. She and I are friends so I believe she will laugh...maybe.. Im taking a gamble but this situation is too perfect to pass) I will be taking that picture and crudely pasting a picture of myself over top...i haven't assembled that yet, but I will show you the photos i will be using.

Jason and  Kendra. The adorable happy couple who I actually like very much and think they are very cute together.

Perfect angled headshot of myself. Should work pretty well for a crudely pasted together picture of the two of us. 

Lastly I have begun a compilation cd for him. It is a two part cd which starts off light and carefree and ends with creepily worded songs that hopefully will cause him to ponder just how serious I am being. 

The two part cd song list has been carefully selected and assembled in such an order that it tells a story. Here is the list:

Sweet: Part One

1) What a Wonderful World-Louis Armstrong  **very sweet. simple. yet to the point. 

2) The Sweetest Eyes (When you Laugh)-Julie Doiron **adorable song thats title says it all.

3) I've Got a Crush On You-Julie London **No more beating around the bush, I'm gonna just tell him how i feel.

4) Your Song-Elton John **who wouldn't be charmed by this song. If I had to write a song for my crush, it would come out sounding much like this. 

5) Sweet Dream-Greg Laswell **This song is so sweet talking about how if I could write my own dream I would put you and I in it together and the sunlight would be the cruel announcement that morning had come and my dream had to end. awww.

6)Wouldn't It Be Nice-The Beach Boys **I won't lie. This song just has sentimental value to me and if I ever were to make a mix cd for my love I would definitely put this song on there. Its lyrics are so hopeful and full of promise.

7)You You You You You-The 6th and Katharine **This song always makes me think of Juno. Sorry that isn't why its on the list but I can't help feeling it belonged in the movie somehow. but this songs first lyrics start "Even though I met you only recently, I find myself falling in love with you. I don't know quite how to put this decently, but what's the chance that you could love me too?" I couldn't believe how well this song went with the theme of my mix.

8)Lucky-Jason Mraz Feat. Colby Caillat **I want him to know we are so lucky to have each other...because we are..best friends. 

9)You and I-Ingrid Michaelson **A whimsical song with an adorable message about love and getting rich and moving to the South of France and buying everyone sweaters and teaching them to dance. 

10)Take My Breath Away-Berlin **Things just reached a different level in this cd. We reached a more intimate level and I'm showing him how serious I am about this whole deal.

11)Inches and Falling(I Love,Love)-The Format **There it is, I dropped the "L" word. It's a song of declaration. "I Love being in love, I don't care what it does to me."

12)Can I Have This Dance-HSM3 **A bit silly to put on this cd, but I liked that it so sappy. A bit tweeny even. Its a song about dancing together, through everything. I hope they meant it as a metaphor...else, that would just be ridiculous.

13)How Deep Is Your Love-The Bird and the Bees **Its lyrics could be a bit creepy to someone who doesnt share the same feelings as me. (ie. Jason) Its a bit heavy and talks about how well I know his smell and how when hes gone I want to just be in his arms.

14)Have I Told You Lately That I Love You-Van Morrison **You know when you reach that level in a relationship where you've admitted you love that person and then you find yourself saying it over and over, everytime you say anything to that person. "Honey I am going to mow the front lawn okay? I love you." and again when you come back in to inform them you are going to take a shower now. That point of repetitiveness is what this songs reminds me of. As if by now I haven't already made my feelings known, why not say it again, right?

15)I Will Always Love You-Dolly Parton **If ever a singer could get the message across, my dear Dolly is the one to do it. The title says it all. I WILL always love him. ALWAYS....

16)Let's Make Love-Faith Hill and Tim McGraw **yep, I just LUNGED forth to the next level. I was a bit skeptical about going this far, but whats a creepy mix cd without full creeper songs. I hope by now he realizes just how serious it is for me.

17)I Just Wanna Make Love to You-Etta James **by this point, why not? I actually adore this song and am excited I got to use it. He won't know what hit him...

and this concludes Sweet: Part One

and in keeping with the creepy theme...the quote of the day...

Let me be your Sherpa. Let me be your Sherpa up the mountain of gay.

*************************************NEXT DAY*************************************

so I know it doesnt seem to make sense to add to my post when i could write a new one, but then the order would be all messed up and that sort of thing really annoys me. So instead i add here....

In keeping with my earlier post, I have finished compiling part Duex of my two part mix. 

Spicy: Part Deux

1)Make You Feel My Love-Adele **Now I it isnt the creepiest song but I like the idea of making someone feel your love. I will MAKE him love me. I will do whatever it takes to make him love me.

2)Lover's Spit-Broken Social Scene **I adore this song. It is so disgusting sounding. "All these people drinking lover's spit, They sit around and clean their face with it." But at the same time, you can't help but love the song. When I write a discription for his cd, I just want to write..."I think you know what this one is about..."

3)Honey or Tar-CocoRosie **The absolute CREEPIEST song I own. It is the icing on my cake...err cd. The pivotal moment when you realize just how creepy I am being. I hope this song makes him just shudder. "I undressed you, with my eyes I have, maybe even raped you in a dark and eerie corner of my mind, I tucked you there and touched in a dream last night." wow. This song is one of those, "did she just say that??" moments. I am so excited to do this!! 

4)What You Wanted-Angus and Julia Stone **This is part where rejection hits in. I am starting to discover he may not want me after all. In the song she continues to repeat, "am I what you wanted?" with a heart breaking voice. tragic. 

5)Not Pretty Enough-Kasey Chambers **This song is so ridiculous. I can't believe its an actual song. I found this my sophmore year of high school and at the time I am ashamed to admit it was my anthem. I sat in my room in the dark listening to this song while crying that a boy didn't like me back. I was young and very stupid, but these lyrics are very straightforward "Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Shoud I try it harder? Why do you see right through me?" yep, those are the opening lyrics, and at no point does that song get any better. PERFECT right??

6)Smile-Tony Bennett **So I figure out he's not into me and what do I choose to do? Smile. How beautifully tragic is this song? I love it. I love that my mix is becoming this tragic love story. He Loves Me He Loves Me Not anyone?

7)And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going-Jennifer Hudson **I wrestled with putting this song on, but she is expressing exactly what is going through my tortured mind. A decision is made now...I am staying and HES GONNA LOVE ME! 

8)If I Can't Have You-Etta James and Harvey Fugua **What a great song. What a strong declaration. "I don't want nobody if i can't have you. Oh I can't love nobody unless I'm loving you." Perfect. A "righteous" anger is beginning to show through. 

9)Wicked Way-Benjamin Taylor **Thanks to Mallory this song is a staple in my life now. But this song is a discription of how I now view Jason. I have begun to reach a bitterness about the whole ordeal. But even though you read through the lyrics and see he's not saying anything sweet and hes being completely honest and saying things as they are, you can't help but still be swooned by this song. I'm not sure why. maybe its the sound of the music, or his voice, but really what I think it is, is that even though he is saying all these things the fact he put it to a song means that deep down you believe he is romantic. We women are saps.

10)He's a Tramp-Peggy Lee **Poor pathetic me, trying to deal with my anger and my obsession. It's tough. This song does a good job describing whats happening inside me.

11)Cry Me a River-Julie London **Okay so this is my second song on the mix by her, turns out I love her so much. I had to put this version of Cry Me a River on the mix because her voice carries the words so well. By this time, I have resolved to give into my anger. I am no longer delusional about him, Im just pissed. So even if he wanted me now, their is no way I'd give in.

12)You're So Vain-Carly Simon **this song shows my disgust. I am annoyed with him, I am angry and I am a "scorned" women. Things are about to get ugly.

13)I'll Be Seeing You-Jimmy Durante **sweet song. Probably meant to be a sentimental song between lovers, but how creepy would it sound to hear this from me in the state I am in? Suddenly its a threat. 

14)Secret-The Pierces **So my secret was I loved him, this part is going to played up by the card I have to go with all of this. So this is the biggest threat. Maybe even a promise. Yeah, thats it. It is a promise to him. "Got a secret, can you keep it? swear this one you'll save. Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave. If I show you then I know you wont tell what I said, "Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Yikes!! 

15)My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion **This song is the end of my Spicy mix. I chose it because of several reasons. In Titanic its the song after his death...(could that be a clue as to where this lead??) But it also is a promise, my heart WILL go on. its a song of strength and regrowth. 

So there you have it folks. This is all I have been working on for the past two days. I am so excited to finish everything up!! I hope you liked my ideas and weren't too freaked out. I promise you I am not this person in real life. It took a lot of creative thinking to go into this mindset. I am in no way a stalker or an obsessor... okay?? well...maybe Im not! *WINK*

Your fans are church folk, Johnny. Christians. They don't wanna hear you singing to a bunch of murderers and rapist, trying to cheer 'em up.

Well, they're not Christians, then.